The SmellMobile

Some time ago, Anne and I were going to meet Mr. and Mrs. Incrivel for a movie.

It was dark out. It was freezing cold, with a bit of frost on the roadway. We pulled out of our neighborhood onto the highway. I caught a glimpse of something on the road in front of us.

We had just pulled through Mach 1 and were approaching Mach 1.5. Whatever it was, it was big. Bigger than the usual stuff you see lying on the road. In the few microseconds that passed, I had the following thought process:

1) There's no time to avoid whatever this thing is.
2) If I try to swerve, I'll end up hitting it with the tires
2a) If it's "squishy", that means it will make a huge mess
2b) If it's not squishy, it's probably a tree trunk and it will blow the tire out and bend the rims
3) No. Time. To. Stop.
4) If I maintain current heading, it will (hopefully) pass between the tires, and pass under the vehicle. The car will (hopefully) clear whatever this thing is.
4a) If it's "squishy," nothing will happen
4b) If it's not squishy, it's probably a tree trunk, and it will rip off my oil pan, transmission, and/or some other really expensive under-the-car-thing that my mechanic has yet to explain to me.

That thought process complete, along with a reflective smile upon my 7th birthday party held in the backyard of my suburban Chicago boyhood home, we impacted.

Me (recovering from impact): It was a log!!

Anne: What's that smell?!

Me: What the..? Whew...

Me/Anne, in unison: SKUNK!

Me: So, it wasn't a log? That was one big skunk! (not to mention rather rigid)

Anne: The smell, the smell!

Married life is so glamorous. We got to the movie theater, and I couldn't get skunk smell out of my olfactory glands for the next two hours. The movie let out very late, and we were walking through the freezing cold parking lot trying to remember where we parked the car.

Then, we caught a whiff. Oh, the car must be this way... Sure enough, there was the SkunkMobile. We smelled our way to the car. We tried to hit one of those gas station car washes on the way home, but they were all closed due to the cold temperatures.

After numerous car washes, the trained nose could still detect skunk. Someone said to wash the car in tomato juice. Absurd! Okay, I admit, I considered it.